Six Degrees of Separation

Wonder Woman vs. Rainbow Boy

2011-11-12T18:07:00.000-08:00

My son is shooting me with his plastic machine gun as I type away on my computer. I put my wrists up instinctively and wave them about:

Me: Hah! You can't hurt me with bullets! I've got Wonder Woman bracelets on!

My son: Water-melon, Water-melon! You come and fight with me!

Me: Water-melon? My name is Wonder Woman.

My son: I...I can't say the words.

Me: Won-der-Wo-man.

My son: Won-der-Melon.

Me: Close enough.

Ism's

2011-11-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

My son is really into superheroes and his persona will change with his pajamas:

Superman pj's: I'm Superman, here to save the day!

Batman pj's: Grrrr. I'm Batman.

Candy striped pj's: I'm Rainbow Boy! To the rescue!

White undershirt: I'm White Man! Da-da-da-DAH!

The Hubby upon seeing me catch a falling dish:
"You have ninja reflections!"

My daughter on money:
"Don't worry. You can go to the bank and buy some money."

Wanted: Surrogate Husband

2011-07-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

Wanted: Surrogate husband

Description: All the work, none of the perks. Man needed this Saturday for company and childminding at Whittamore's Farm. Pick up provided at 9:30 am and lunch as well. Must be able to watch 4 children while listening attentively to the conversation of 2 sleep deprived mommies. Possible trip to Vaughn Mills' Bass Pro store after wards. Stamina and cheery disposition mandatory. Will be paid in gratitude. Forward resume to this email address.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear madam,

I am writing in regard to your advertisement for a surrogate husband. I would like to express my interest in such a role and briefly highlight a few of the myriad wonderful qualities within my possession that make me ideally suited to fill this position.

Firstly, in the history of my life, I have yet to lose a child. I attribute this success to skill rather than my considerable lack of experience. You see, part of my talent derives from the fact that I can really "hold my liquor", as demonstrated by my unmatched performance in a recent drinking competition. Now, many mothers feel rightfully concerned that those watching their children will have one too many beers and begin tossing their children around the room like footballs. However, I can assure you that 1) I will neither become that drunk, despite my best attempts, and 2) I prefer hockey to football.

Secondly, I have considerable experience in pretending to be engaged in conversations that I am paying little to no attention to whatsoever, whether it be concerning one's opinions on local government, the types of flowers one might be planting, or something equally uninteresting. As such, you can feel content to speak to your heart's content, never in fear of speaking into a deaf ear; I will pay just enough attention to make polite conversation, and smile blissfully while my mind wanders to my next vacation and to what that pretty woman across the way is doing later.

And, finally, though certainly not the last of my many winning attributes, I relate very well to children, largely due to my enormous lack of maturity. I find that this helps me fit in with my surroundings. By the end of the outing, you will wonder if there are five, rather than four children, running and screaming and howling in your ears, or asking you to show them to the bathroom, not least because I will assuredly be deep "into my cups" within about 2 hours of us setting out.

In summary, I feel that I am the ideal surrogate husband. And, let's be honest, who else would take the job? I notice that you state that you pay in "gratitude". What could be more gracious than cash? I agree, and hopefully you do too. Or I will steal your purse.

I look forward to working with you.

Your sincerely,
M. Pseudo-name
(The "P" is silent and the "e" is pronounced "eh")

Back from Boston: Review of PSY

2011-07-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

I'm back from a trip to Boston with my mom and sister. It was a jam-packed week which included the usual historical sights but also a show by a Montreal based acrobatic group. Though I haven't seen any Cirque du Soliel shows, I imagine it might be in the same spirit. What's really interesting is that each character has a psychological issue such as hearing voices, addiction, or anger and each person expresses their ailment through acrobatics. Hopefully, this link to a video will work:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOkWUjHPRqg

We also made a short trip to Salem, home of the witch trials of the 1600's. It was quaint and sometimes tacky, and apparently, super-haunted! It is now home to a lively Wiccan community and interesting witch supply stores!Certainly worth the ferry trip over from Boston.

Finally, we ended it with the last Harry Potter movie. A fitting end to a Salem trip.

Poetry by Guest Blogger

2011-07-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

A little context...
My friend had a month-long stint teaching a university course in BC. The location was surrounded by a beautiful, lush forest which also brought with it the possible dangers of things such as cougar attacks. Going to his class each day required him to walk a healthy distance so he was told, "If you ever encounter a cougar, wave a stick and make lots of noise!" These are his thoughts.

Ode to Cougar Defense Strategies

You stare at me from your abode.
I see you there. I OWN this road.
You think I’ll turn and run from you?
As if! I wish. My legs are goo.
Now cougar, what are you gonn’ do?

You have your teeth; you have your claws.
You have your large and heavy paws.
Cougar, cougar on my path,
You think I’m scared to face your wrath?
I have a stick, don’t make me laugh.

You think you’re big? You think you’re tough?
Try teaching kids. Whose life is rough?
Now get away. I’ll wave my stick.
“Hey look! I’m big!” Ain’t that a trick!
Note: ‘crazy’ meat will make you sick.

That’s quite a roar. I know. It’s true.
I’ll yell right back, “Don’t EAT me, YOOOOU!”
You think you’ll scare me with that hiss?
I’ll calmly stop to take a piss.
Now cougar, can you mess with this?

Cougar, cougar on my walk:
You’ll win for sure to hear them talk.
But cougar, cougar, on my path,
I’ll act just like a psychopath.
“I have a stick, don’t make me laugh.”

Good grief!

2011-07-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged since 2010??? Well, quickie update...I got out of hell mouth and hopefully I've landed myself in a better place (or at the very least, a level of hell closer to the surface). That place really sucked me dry. Of time, of energy, of any kind of passion or enthusiasm.

At the very end, I decided "the heck with everything" and I did a last minute, surprise, solo performance as Lady Gaga in front of the whole school. Take that!

I'm leaving and I'm taking all the fun with me! And just to spit in their eye, I declared the next day "Dress Up Day" in my classroom and spent the rest of the day as Superwoman...even on my lunchtime errands.

So there. Stuff happened in between which I hope to slowly catch up on, but that's what happened by June. Wish me luck as I start a new adventure!!!!

Restaurant Review: Kensington Cornerstone

2010-12-11T19:59:00.000-08:00

This tucked away location at the corner of Dundas St. West and Kensington Ave. had always been a regular dim sum haunt for me in my childhood. Living only two doors away, above my parent's original hardware store, we would often walk over for weekend dumplings and the occasional scratch ticket from the door to door ticket salesman. Since those days, it has changed hands a couple of times but had always been an Asian style cafe. Now, chef and owner David has changed the small space into a very relaxed haven of comfort food that is (shhhh!!!) completely gluten free. The Kensington Cornerstone does not openly advertise this in fear of driving away potential customers who may have preconceived notions of the food. And you could barely tell. The chicken fusilli pasta is creamy and rich. There is no way of telling that it is rice pasta. Even the garlic toast is light and delicious. His secret? Instead of making a dough with rice flour (which makes it heavy and crumbly) he treats it like a cake batter. The results are an airy bread that works well with his pastas and sandwiches. Bonus is the lounging area where my kids enjoy frolicking in. Also a great view of the comings and goings of the Market hub bub. Desserts are ambitious but disappointing. Poached pear pie was cold and the crust odd. The chocolate cake not too bad. All in all, a great spot for lunch or dinner especially with friends who have any kind of dietary restrictions which he is happy to accommodate!

More poo

2010-10-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

Though work is heck, at least I'm never bored. Here's a story that happened to one of my colleagues yesterday:

Tommy had a really bad accident in his pants. Poop all over. To his credit, he tried to take of it. He stripped down completely and began washing his clothes in the toilet.

"What are you doing???" his teacher cried. "I'm going to call your parents to come get you!" At this point, this poor, naked, embarrassed thing was covered in poo, up to his elbows in poo, and had covered the toilet and walls with poo. Realizing he was doing the wrong thing, he immediately came out of the washroom and continued washing his poopy clothes in the sink.

"Ahhhh! What are you doing???" she screamed. Now there was poo on the classroom sink and floor as well. "Your parents are coming. Don't move. I'm calling the caretaker."

Poor Tommy. Naked, covered in poo, and only trying to fix things. It couldn't get worse.

"What do you want?" grumbles the disgruntled caretaker. He looks over. "Whaaaat????!!!!!"

I hope Tommy has a better day.

Kiddy-isms

2010-10-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

My two year old son:

Mommy. Sun. Go down!

Me: Yes, the sun is going down.

Awwww. Sorry.

Me: Why are you sorry? Did YOU make the sun go down?

Yesth.

My daughter while flushing:

Bye-bye poo! See you later!

On the size of poo:

Look mommy! Three poos! A daddy poo, a mommy poo, and a baby poo! It's a family!

On the shape of poo:

Mommy! It looks like a toothbrush!

On the sequence of poo:

Me: Did you poo or pee?

Poo! And pee! Together!

Hell: Week 5

2010-09-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

Extreme "Whack-A-Mole" continues and though the numbers have decreased slightly, the monkeys I have more than make up for few bodies that have yet to show up. I have to sadly admit that it has gotten the best of me. I am HATING my job. I feel I am at the mercy of these monsters who have no concept of cause and effect. Reward or punishment. They are worse than Pavlov's dogs. In fact, if they were a Pavlovian dog, they would say, "How come he gets a treat? I want one! It's not fair. I don't want no bell. Bell? I'm going to go chew on my butt over here. Squirrel!" Pavlov would put them down.

Some strategies that are (unfortunately) working is rearranging all my furniture in order to corral them for lessons. With only 2 narrow escape routes, we gatekeepers can at least keep them in one small area. Not that it helps much. While trapped in this oval, they manage to do other damage such as pulling things off my bulletin board or taking all the books off my bookcase.

I could deal with all this if I felt the parents or administration were behind me. I gave some constructive feedback on how one kid was doing and the psycho dad, irrate with my "unfounded complaints," went straight to the principal to protest my groundless accusations. I was told to keep quiet from now on and don't say anything negative to him anymore. (???????)

If I must, say only good things. Yes, lie. (?????????)

Exhausted from dealing with exhausted children, I was also told to "not teach" in the afternoon and that it wouldn't hurt them academically. (??????)

All of us were having trouble finding our stride with our ECE partners. They were called in for a meeting and scolded for "touching" them (hugging, picking up, kissing). My partner took it very personally and now, in a really exaggerated manner, won't touch them at all. To the detriment of classroom management.

Difficult parents, kids, administration, and ECE. Maybe I'll go back to chef training.

Full Day Kindergarten...Week one

2010-09-10T16:13:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God. 31 three, four, and five year olds. 1 ECE teacher. Too many minutes in a school day for these little guys. Not enough hours in a day to plan, prepare, or rest. I am the living dead right now animated only by adrenaline and bananas. I don't know how I am going to handle Monday because not all students showed up today because of Eid celebrations. Monday will be all of them, plus 3 student teachers from Japan who would like to see how a Canadian classroom is run. It runs like a game of Whack-A-Mole except the moles manage to run out of their holes and all over the C.N.E.

I'm going to go and drink now...

The end of summer....

2010-08-31T19:25:00.001-07:00

For me, the end of summer is often heralded by the opening of the CNE, morning glories blooming on fences, and TIFF ads. There are also a number of premature signs in summer that freak me out and make me insane!

1. Back to school sales in the end of June.
2. End of summer clearance sales in July
3. Halloween costumes and candy at Costco.
4. Snowblowers on sale (today at Lowe's)
5. Christmas merchandise being displayed.

Aaaaahhhh! Summer is over!

Mr. Hong Kong

2010-08-30T06:38:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was watching Chinese TV with my parents and lo and behold, the 2010 Mr. Hong Kong pageant was on. Simply said, it was a laughfest. The dudes were very metrosexual and mostly very common looking. What was worst was the talent portion of the show which clearly proved that they scrambled to learn something last minute because they were not talented in anything but to look sulky (and maybe play Final Fantasy). No one took this seriously, even the judges who were a bunch of giggling cougars and college girls in lounge chairs. If these are the hottest guys Hong Kong has to offer, I'll look elsewhere. Wait. My husband is from Hong Kong.....

William Chak crowned Mr. Hong Kong 2010

CNE delicacies

2010-08-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

Above, deep fried butter.

If you have not done so already, here are some of the more interesting food items to check out at the CNE this year.

At the kiosk outside of the Direct Energy Building, look for the enormous line up. There you can get deep fried butter, deep fried Twinkies, deep fried Mars bars, chocolate covered bacon.

Inside the Direct Energy Building and the Arts and Crafts Building are stalls that sell Carmichael's meat. They mostly sell jerky and summer sausage but there are some very exotic offerings this year such as camel, kangaroo, biltok (?), in addition to their usual wild boar, alligator, emu, and pepperoni sticks (which are addictive and delicious).

Only other thing of note this year are the beautiful miniature orchid plants (4-5 inches tall) for $13 at the Direct Energy Building. My mom seemed to like that more than the kangaroo jerky.

Reflections on Motherhood Part 2: Sunshine and Lollipops

2010-08-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

Avoiding all the gloopy, Hallmark style poetic musings of motherhood, I want to give balance to my last post on motherhood by reflecting on my own personal experience of having two children. It wasn't love at first sight. In fact, when my first child was born, I thought I was dying. I was in active labour for 5 hours straight (pushing for 5 hours)after more than 24 hours of contractions. I was dehydrated, nauseous, pale, and my heart rate was crazy and I was getting feverish. The sight of my crying, wet daughter did not make me elated. All I wanted was someone to give me water and make me not die. That passed. I clearly remember a quiet moment with her by my hospital bed. Looking at her little body and thinking, "One day you'll grow up, maybe get married..." then I became a weeping idiot.

Everything changed. Who I am and what I love hasn't changed but my priorities and perspective have changed and I think that has made me a better person. I care more about the world because my children will be living in it. I am a better teacher because I have a new understanding and appreciation of a child's development and a parent's struggle. Suddenly, every child is my child and the pain and suffering of other children is felt keenly by me. Though I've always loved food, taste is no longer the primary feature. Nutrition, sustainability, and environmental impact have suddenly become just as important. Though my body has changed, I feel empowered. Prior to having children, I was shy and self conscious of my body. But after what my body has been through, I bear the stretch marks and C-section scars like badges of honour. I walk confidently through Body Blitz Spa (clothing optional) imperfect but happy. I want to be healthy but no longer want to fight with my body to attain a certain weight or image. I am comfortable with myself.

Though we struggle, I love my husband for the father he has become. He has teary moments when his love of our children threatens to burst his chest. He spoils them then chastises himself for doing so. He patiently teaches them to climb and swim, to greet others appropriately and to treat others well. Having children has evened his temper. He takes greater care in how he drives and how he conducts himself. Once reckless and carefree, he is sharply aware that he is needed. Though we have our differences, my husband and I hold fast to one rule, which is to keep a united front. We support each other and do our best.

We are not the only ones who have changed. My parents suddenly have a reason for taking better care of themselves. My father drinks far less and eats better. He spends his evenings gardening with them or filling a tub of water in the backyard so they can bathe under our pear tree. My mother cuddles them endlessly and takes great joy in playing with them or creating art inspired by Mr. Maker. My childrens' laughter fills their home and has made my parents very happy. Even my sisters have changed. Never having had young children around us, my kids were an eye-opener for all of us. The youngest sister has taken on various duties of care, entertainment, and guardianship. She takes them to daycare or programs and she patiently cuts paper shapes for them to make art with. She is the rock of discipline in their home. The middle sister no longer wants to eat children and has developed a tender, maternal side of herself. Also a consistent disciplinarian, she is firm yet caring and she (and her hubby) have helped me through my first year at home with a baby.

Finally, my kids. I can't express how much I love them. They are quirky and funny. Smart and silly. Yes, they are a pain and they fight and they can be demanding but then they reach up and say, "Mommy, I nuv ooo!" and everything else melts away. "All joy and no fun" is an apt title for the article that began this post but that JOY is worth it. I look forward to more joy to come.

Hot Men: Donnie Yen

2010-08-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I've never really noticed Donnie Yen before though he has been in countless movies for a very long time. Perhaps it is because my interest in hot men is usually limited to interesting characters as opposed to the actor themselves. He is an incredible martial artist whose talent rivals (and I think exceeds) that of Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

A quick search also reveals that he speaks fluent English, Cantonese, and Mandarin and is a classically trained pianist. In this rare instance when I find a real man hot, it goes without saying that this fella has the whole package.

From mute vampire (Blade 2) to underwear model, Donnie is yum!

Pate: Epilogue

2010-08-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

Done and done. I was a nattering lunatic once they injected painkiller into my IV. I was watching how the ceiling tiles cascaded like a waterfall before my eyes and I couldn't stop remarking about how neat it was to the doctor and nurse. The local injection was ok but didn't seem to dull the pain of the actual extraction of liver. It felt like I was being stabbed by a knife. In my daze, I turned about and asked to see the size of the offensive instrument that just punctured my liver. It looked like a fishing rod but I'll never be sure since I was drugged and half blind. Recovery at the hospital was painful and full of hallucinations for the first 2 hours. After that, I was bored. Now home, I just awoke in a panic because I was worried no one picked up my daughter from daycare! Fortunately, everything was taken care of by the hubby. Since I can't lift anything heavier than 10 lbs for the next 24 hours (otherwise my kidneys will fall out), I plan on watching tv and folding laundry when the husband isn't looking.

Pate, anyone?

2010-08-17T05:41:00.000-07:00

Thursday is my appointment for a liver biopsy. Originally, I was not at all nervous about it but as my sleeplessness and dreams would indicate, I am getting concerned about my health. I've been dreaming about my finger nails falling off, sort of in the style of "The Fly" where Jeff Goldblum falls apart by pieces as he slowly transforms into the fly.

The procedure will be simple. One needle to freeze my side and the second one to go between the ribs and take out a piece of liver. They asked if they end up taking more than they need, could they have it for research purposes? I said, "Yes, as long as you don't clone me." The nurse replied, "Why does everyone say that?" Too much sci-fi!

Well, wish me luck!

My Hubby vs. The World

2010-08-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

My husband imagined as the powerful and eternal Bruce Lee.

Inspired by the new Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World movie, I imagined what it would be like if my hubby had to fight all my ex-boyfriends. Wanting anonymity for everyone involved, I chose to use famous people that look like or remind me of the guys I dated. (In no particular order. Not all guys are represented. Ho!)

James Marsden: The sulky and somewhat whiny boyfriend that shoots lasers out of his eyes.

Taboo: The bad-ass, cool guy that gives people the creeps. Has the power to freak you out.

Conan O'Brien: Has the power to reduce you to tears by making others laugh at you.

John Smith: If you watch Pocahontas 2, you'll find that John Smith is a cheating cad who doesn't return Pocahontas' calls. Like a coward, his power is to use a gun.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers: Imagined power is to take your head off. Real power is to use his Ji-jitsu to put you into embarrassing submissions.

Colin Chou: Of Matrix fame, enjoys wearing very little to distract his opponents.

Tilda Swinton: The hubby insisted that I add this to the list too. Tilda is a fierce opponent who swoops down on her angel wings and lays waste to those who oppose her. (Much like her character Gabriel from Constantine. Or her character White Witch from Narnia. Either one. She goes both ways.)

Reflections on Motherhood Part 1: The Dark Side

2010-08-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

Controversial artist, Vanessa Beecroft.

A very interesting article called, "All Joy and No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting" came to my attention that has caused me to do some serious reflection and introspection. The premise of the article is,

Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so. This finding is surprisingly consistent, showing up across a range of disciplines.

"No!" was my immediate reaction to the whole idea. "Having children is a happy, wonderful, and natural thing that I have always wanted." My sentiments were supported in the article, saying that "(the findings) violate a parent’s deepest intuition." But to my horror and dismay, I began to realize that what it says is true. With great reluctance, I must admit that having children is not fun. The reality is that every facet of your life as you know it will change. Your body, relationships, friends, and lifestyle. And for what? Why do we have children anyway?

Historically, we had children to hunt and gather, tend the fields or mind the livestock. Children were an investment that would help secure your retirement and care. They would ensure your immortality through the passing of the family name or perhaps continue your legacy through a family business. But why do we have children in these modern times?

We hardly need more people. In fact, a friend stated that there worst thing you could do for the environment is to have a child. We do not need them for financial security and few people care about the passing on of names or the support or continuation of a business. I believe we have them because A. We are expected by society AND ourselves to have children. B. We believe children will make us happier.

Am I happier? I once convinced myself that I'm not going to be THAT kind of Mom. I believed I was ahead of the game because I would exercise, maintain my interests and hobbies. Make time for my relationship with my husband and because we have good communication, we thought we were a perfect parenting team because we were on the same track in terms of discipline style and ideals. We weren't going to have THOSE problems everyone warns us of. Well, yes and no.

Though I have gone back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I have not gone back to my original shape. My feet are a little bigger and my skin is dimply. I'd like to believe that no mom, Hollywood moms included, emerges physically unscathed by the changes in pregnancy.

There's no time for hobbies. Serious arrangements have to be made to put aside the time needed to dedicate to things I once enjoyed. Laundry, cooking, household upkeep and childcare take up all the time in a day. What time is left, is dedicated to my new hobbies of stimulating my children through outings, and activities. Every facet of my life has changed. Even the simplest choices are affected from the food I make, the time we eat and sleep, to the kind of fabric I wear, and the timing of my life to fit my kids' nap schedule. I managed to do some painting a year back but the subject matter became cartoon sea life because I thought my kids might like it!

It's a lot of work and it doesn't end. There's no break from it, only mild lulls that usually results in a rush of more chores. Guilt, stress, and worry often plague many moms and for me, guilt is the worst. Even as I am writing this, I am thinking I should be spending more time with my son instead of this. I should be cleaning the toilets instead of wasting time. However, this is often a state of mind for a person such as myself who needs to have a number of accomplishments done at the end of each day in order to feel worthwhile. Call it a neurotic work ethic.

I'm not going to go into lengths about how important dad's are because that's obvious. I don't want to defend them apologetically because I know this part is controversial and will ignite passions. I'll just say that men and women are different and each couple is different. My personal perspective in my own relationship is that despite all our discussions prior to having children, my hubby and I are still at opposite ends when it comes to child rearing. We are tired and worn out and we are not at our best. What we have left over of ourselves at the end to the day is not enough to properly maintain a relationship at times. Sleep is the new sex, as many would say about parenthood. We don't have the patience for each other because it is spent on the children. There are times when I look over and wonder, "Who are you?" as the stress and tiredness changes us both. We look at each other and think we need to compensate for each others shortcomings which in turn, worsens the problem. For example, being more rigid vs. being more lax, frugal vs. generous, fast vs. slow. It spirals into a situation where both people are at odds.

So why did I have kids? I believe every person has kids for "selfish" reasons. I want someone to be there when I'm older to enjoy warm family occasions with. Someone to call on for company. To have connections with people that have a bond deeper than friendship. I do not expect them to take care of me in my old age. I am sentimental and I value traditions and holidays and the closeness a family can bring. That's all for me and that's why I say it's selfish. I could do the same by adopting and doing greater good at the same time, but again, I want my own flesh and blood first. Then, you give every ounce of yourself to this little person. So is parenting fun? Hell, no. It's hard, stressful, tiring, and at times, very unrewarding. Would I do it all again? Hell, yes.

(To be continued: Reflections on Motherhood Part 2)

So hip it hurts

2010-08-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

Last week I attended the Black Eyed Peas concert at ACC. "Black Eyed Peas?!" my sister exclaims. "I didn't know you even liked them." She knows well that I favour retro tunes, rock, and broadway. She was probably wondering if I thought I was attending some kind of legumes festival. "Sure, I do." I said but only after googling them to figure out what they actually sang. Fortunately, their music is so popular that someone as out to lunch as me still knew their music.
The last 3 concerts I've attended were Aerosmith, David Bowie, and Kiss. I figured I'd better prepare myself so I traded my baggy jeans for tight jeans. My tight top for a loose be-jeweled top. My canvas back pack for a stylish purse. Make up and high heels completed my updated look. Babysitting was secured so we were ready for a night on the town in a VIP lounge courtesy of RBC. The open bar was a surprise and I ended up as smashed as a frosh on a Friday night. The music was loud, the night late, and my feet hurt but the seats were great and they didn't even try to make us open an account or anything. After my fourth drink, I knew that I would pay for it the next day. "Mom, I won't be able to take the kids to swim lessons tomorrow." I slurred over the blaring music. Ten years ago, we would have gone clubbing after the concert then head to Denny's in the morning but all I wanted to do was sleep. Oh, how times have changed.

Old Wives Tales or Ancient Chinese Secret?

2010-08-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

My pregnant friend invited us over for a bbq recently and I offered to bring her watermelon as a contribution. "Oh, no. I can't eat watermelon because of the baby." I suddenly remembered my own two pregnancies and all the restrictions our culture imposes for the sake of the child and mother. How quickly I forgot that watermelon is considered too "cool" for a pregnant woman's body and it is believed that it may have negative affects on the growing baby. In our culture, foods are considered to be either yin or yang, hot or cool, but this does not really encompass the entire meaning. "Hot" foods are considered to cause inflammation. For example, fried foods, coffee, and durian. "Cool" foods are often fresh fruit, melons, and vegetables, but foods that are too cool (such as my dad's vegetable juice elixir) can make some people light headed. To complicate things further, other foods are considered to be "boe" or have healing factors. These are good for pregnant women but not good for those with high blood pressure as they can cause headaches. Some such foods are red bean and meat and alcohol. Now the superstition comes into play. Homophones are regarded with great caution. Eat shrimp because the word for shrimp sounds like "laugh" and that's good. Don't eat strawberries on special occasions because it sounds like "lots of trouble." Then, there's just plain crazy. Don't eat that or your baby will look like it. A pregnant woman's diet therefore, is heavily scrutinized as our culture would believe the unchecked consumption of food as a jeopardy to the lives of two people. I was not allowed to eat watermelon (too cool). No snake or the baby will have scales (oh, darn). No watching scary movies or the baby will look like a monster (movies affect DNA?). No dark things either, even soy sauce. Apparently it would make my baby black. (It was the soy sauce, I swear!)

Hubby-isms - Final?

2010-07-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

So the hubby continues to speak with enough care so as not to add fodder to my blog. However, while cleaning out some drawers, I came across an old notebook where I kept track of his more hilarious comments. Enjoy!

- If you don't fold your clothes nicely, they'll get wrinked!

- Put on your coat. You'll catch ammonia.

- This weighs an arm and a leg!

- I've got the legs of a python!

Conversations:

Me: I think I'll try to make bouillabaise.
Hubby: That's hard. How are you going to going to make the fish sing and move?

Hubby: You can't microwave water because of the neurons in it!
Me: Neurons?
Hubby: I mean electrodes.

Hubby: We need a humilifier.
Me: To humiliate the room?
Hubby: Yes.

And because it runs in the family:

Hubby's brother: TURN STRAIGHT!

I'm baaaack!

2010-07-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

Renovate you must, hmmm?

Whoo! I've been quiet for awhile as life gets in the way of blogging. Update:

* Sister was married in the company of friends, family and a pair of drunken Stormtroopers.
* Preparation for my MC'ing duties which included a whack of Nerd-tacular games.
* After a lengthy series of interviews, I have finally managed to transfer to a new school closer to home. I'll be teaching the new Full Day Kindergarten.
* Packing and cleaning all my teaching materials in order to get out of my old school only to discover that my new classroom has no room for my things as yet and will need some SERIOUS cleaning.
* Crazy-ass renos are happening at my home which involves the addition of a 16 ft high bedroom and ensuite.
* Discovery that this "little addition" will also include re-doing a destroyed dining room, kitchen and bathroom.
* Bailing out the seemingly constant rain from our three-walled home.
* Trying to enjoy the summer as much as possible with my two ankle-biters and a house full of dust!

Hubby-isms: Update

2010-04-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

While lying in bed, the hubby and I were talking about dreams and deja vu. I told him about a vivid dream that years later, became a reality. His response was:

"Hey! Maybe you have...you know...P..S..."

"Three?" I chuckle.

"No!" He says indignantly. "P-S-I!"

Restaurant Review: Le Trou Normande

2010-04-18T13:16:00.001-07:00

As an early birthday celebration, the hubby wanted to take me out for dinner. We defaulted to the Yorkville area because of traffic and were stuck with the conundrum of which ritzy patio to rest our middle class bottoms in. Sassafraz seemed the obvious choice, with it's lively patio, and solid, if snooty, reputation. But something else beckoned. Dilapitated iron arches and a yellowed menu board somehow promised more. The only sign of life was a simple table lain with white cloth and a few empty display bottles of wine. Peeking down this corridor between buildings, I could glimpse a lone table by a picture window lit by a single candle.
"I want to go there." I said decidedly. "Are you sure?" the hubby asks. He is very wary of places that are old, and quiet which spells stale food and possible salmonella to him. Simply put, it was OLD. The rave reviews framed on the walls were from the 70's and 80's. That smell of old cooking oil permeated the place and the decor spoke of a glorious past that has faded like the yellowed wallpaper. Nonetheless, we took the table with the single candle and hoped for the best. It did not disappoint. French classics like frog legs were spicy and delicious. Escargots were decent and our meaty mains of duck and red deer were perfect. The creme brulee was the best I've ever had and I had a chance to finally try a glass of armangnac (buuuurns!). All in all, a great experience despite it's crumbling facade. If you want to be utterly alone in a fine French restaurant, it's a great bet. Go before they go bankrupt. (Written in April 2010)

In my heart...

2010-04-18T12:52:00.001-07:00

My friend, whom I work with, is a rare and wonderful breed of person. Funny, positive, down to earth, and incredibly caring. Only two years older than myself, she managed to start and run a boy's orphanage in Ghana. This is something many of us say we'll do IF we win the 649. Anyhoo, she and I were having a conversation about the differences between the attitudes between developed and undeveloped nations and she related this story to me;

The boys often get snippets of information about the west and wanted to ask her to verify them. They asked her, "Is it true that men sometimes want to become women so they cut their penis off?" She replied, "Yes. Some men are born men but in their heart, they are really women. They then might get surgery to become women."

After some contemplation, another asked: "Is it true that there is a woman who gave birth to 8 babies at the same time?" She replied, "Yes. She used fertility drugs and she had eight babies."

After a moment's thought, the boy replied, "Oh, I see. So in her heart, she wasn't a woman. She was a pig."

Hot Men: George St. Pierre

2010-04-01T19:09:00.000-07:00

There really isn't much I need to say in regards to George St. Pierre that "Of No Import" hasn't already said. After our recent UFC 111 party though, all I can add is that the man looks good in clothes and out of them.

Hot Men: The Men of Disney

2010-03-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This post contains infantile fantasies of men that don't exist. Eye rolling and gagging may occur.

If you have read my past posts on Hot Men, you'll see a trend. The are mostly fictional. I think because they are imagined, they can reach a kind of unrealistic perfection that can only occur in our minds. The Men of Disney are princes, ragamuffins, pirates and adventurers. Dangerous, chivalrous, exciting. Some wealthy, others lucky. All become noble and honourable by the end of their stories. And of course, they are all handsome in their own ways.

My favourites are currently John Smith, a good looking smart-ass (Pocohontas). Captain Shang, a disciplined soldier with a hot bod and martial arts training (Mulan). And Gaston, a complete asshole but I think he'd be fun for one night (Beauty and the Beast). Upon searching for pics to illustrate this post, I came upon some scintillating images from Deviant Art on the Men of Disney. Below I have posted a few choice pics. There are more out there by the same artist that you can find (Dr.Sweet, Frog Prince, William Turner, etc) if you curious to see their depictions. Who are your faves?

Restaurant Review: Frank @ the AGO

2010-03-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

It's actually been awhile since I've been here but life gets in the way of blogging. :) The first visit to Frank was for Weekend Brunch right before going in to see the King Tut exhibit (which was somewhat disappointing). Now, I'm not a huge fan of pancakes, but these were the best pancakes ever. Thinking of them makes me crave pancakes. A heavenly, stack of fluffy buckwheat circles that absorbed the syrupy-fruity compote without being soggy. It was crowned with some whipped cream and a scattering of bacon lardons. I can't explain it. It was just sooo good.

Frank isn't by any means perfect but they certainly are high style with down home comfort favourites such as an up-scale shepard's pie. However, they do surprise pleasantly with such things as bacon-brittle a top a chocolate cake (I think that's what I had. Jennie, please correct me).

All in all, a wonderful experience to pair with an afternoon at the art gallery.

Taking on my class

2010-03-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

Celestial Speedster alerted me to this time waster. Apparently, I could take on 15 wild, bloodthirsty 5 year olds...which is approximately one class. (I'm in the right profession).

15

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Getting older Part 2

2010-03-11T18:27:00.000-08:00

More things that prove that I'm getting older...

1. I use Olay Definity and ReGenerist.
2. I pull at the skin beneath my eyes to see it look smoother.
3. People are no longer surprised that I'm a mother of two.
4. I drive an SUV.
5. I wear sensible shoes.
6. The anime posters I used for my cartooning club are over 10 years old. (Ranma)
7. The Time-Life books (about the supernatural) I used in my Boy's Reading Club are nearly 20 years old.
8. My Ryerson student teachers are 20 years old.
9. Their professor from Ryerson looks 18 years old.
10. David Bowie is now a senior citizen and too old to fantasize about anymore.

Yikes. I'm going to take up knitting and adopting cats soon. Help!

Getting older...

2010-03-10T05:58:00.000-08:00

Now that Bowie has turned 3, I'm realizing how much I am aging and becoming part of that un-hip group of adults detached from current culture. So here comes the list...You Know You are Getting Older When:
1. YOUR music is now considered CLASSIC rock.
2. YOUR favourite movies are now considered CULT CLASSICS.
3. You can't bring yourself to say, "That's SICK." unless it's actually gross or disgusting.
4. The clothes you wore in junior high can now be bought in costume stores.
5. Most new pop music sounds terrible to you.
6. Atheletes, actors, and actresses seem ridiculously young to you.
7. You buy pants that flatten your tummy.
8. You buy tops that hide your tummy.
9. You sleep early and wake early.
10. When you say to your husband, "I'm looking older...." He replies, "Hmmm."

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2010-02-26T14:49:00.000-08:00

There is never a dull moment when teaching Kindergarten. We are currently finishing a unit on Community Helpers and I asked the children to draw a picture of what they might like to be when they grow up. Here are some responses:

"I want to be a pirate when I grow up." (Illegal, but doable)

"A princess." (Umm...how about an actress?)

"A King." (Of what?)

"A monkey." (What do you want to be WHEN YOU GROW UP. Not when it's Halloween.)

"A ghost." (When you grow up. Not when you're dead."

"A circle." (We're doomed.)

Hubby-isms: Guest Appearance by a Co-Worker

2010-02-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

The husband has really been watching himself or perhaps he's really improved his vocabulary and speaking skills. I'd like then, to introduce my friend, co-worker, and teaching partner. Unwittingly thrown into the kindergarten mee-lee, he is still learning kindy-speak. Here are a few examples:

To a pair of student teachers who want to learn the ropes:

Ladies, ask lots of questions. Tell me what you need. Just SUCK ME DRY.

To the kids as they enter the class:

C'mon and take off your clothes quickly so we can have fun on the carpet!

To his group of attentive 4 and 5 year olds:

Who wants to come up and touch Mr. Pickle?

Literal Music Videos

2010-01-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

Omigod, I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Thanks to the sis for sending this to me! Sorry, don't know how to put the video up properly but check this link. Worth it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA

Shameless mommy blogging

2009-12-13T13:58:00.000-08:00

Warning: The following is endless blathering about how interesting my kids are lately. This verbal diarreah does not mean to assume any sort of developmental superiority of my children. It is more likely an indication of how my kids may one day end up on the wrong side of law. Also, it is an indication that I have no life.

Avery is becoming ever more verbal. He doesn't do party tricks like Bowie did (Bruce Lee and Jet Li imitations) but he's now able to say, "Moy!" (don't want it), juice, nai-nai (milk), wo-wo sit!, blast off!, and "play!" but he still can't quite say "Mommy" with any kind of clarity or consistency. If he sees any exposed thigh or belly, he runs at it to give it a big, sloppy razz (which sometimes turns into a bite). He learns words that are of personal interest quickly if not accurately (Jello is Je-no, marshmallow is ma-no-no). And the boy is learning to fight! If he has a long stick of any kind, he'll run at people yelling "Da-da!" which means "Hit-hit!" Today, he was playing with the condensation on the window and he gave my sister a questioning look. "Moisture" didn't work with him so she told him, "Sup, sup" meaning "wet" which her repeated over and over as he slapped at the window.

Bowie is up to all her old tricks and some new ones. Today, she lost sight of us for a moment at Ikea. She let out short gasp of fear and realization then walked back to where we were last but still did not see us (it was crowded). I watched as she approached a nice looking old lady and said, "Excuse me. Where is my mommy?" Good for her.

But my latest favourite is when she pulled a "sword" from her back, pointed it at him and demanded, "BOW TO ME!"

You tell him, Bowie.

Restaurant Review: The Rushton

2009-12-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

One kid-less evening, the hubby and I knew vaguely that we wanted a very nice yet fairly casual dinner but didn't want to go to our usual spots. Driving along St.Clair West, I told him to "Stop the car!" because a pleasant looking corner restaurant with large windows immediately beckoned with the promise of good times. From the street, I noticed stacked stone walls lit with LED lights contrasted by antique light fixtures hung from the ceiling and candles at the tables. It was almost full for Monday night around 6:30 which was another indication that this was likely a good place to go. The menu had many of my favourites such as moule et frites, crab cakes, braised lamb shanks, and duck confit. It also had some impressive looking burgers. All in all, the food was mostly very good, the servers young, attractive, and pleasant, and atmosphere great. Definitely worth another visit.

I don't know about this.....

2009-11-09T18:42:00.000-08:00

I've ranted previously about my dismay over "Phantom of the Opera: The Musical Part 2." I don't think I've ever mentioned, but "Lord of the Rings: The Musical" was a disaster. Now I hear on the radio that they have "Spiderman: The Musical," apparently the most expensive musical to be produced. I'm sure the rights weren't cheap nor was hiring Bono of U2 to do the music.

Don't get me wrong. I love both off-beat and traditional musicals. Pop culture based musicals also have their place as I've thoroughly enjoyed "Cobra: The Musical," and "Evil Dead: The Musical." (I'm hoping to see "The Toxic Avenger: The Musical.") The genre is fun and can make even the most dismal and depressing of topics fun and up beat (Urinetown).

But Spiderman? Like Lord of the Rings, I think this is just another money grab off of something that is currently hip and already has a large fan base that enjoy spending money. And of course, I'm part of that demographic. Here you go, Stan Lee.

Slip of the Tongue

2009-11-09T18:32:00.000-08:00

I recently went to an Equity Symposium to further enlighten and reinforce the good examples and interventions we need to be and make as educators. While there, I met a high school teacher. I asked her what she taught: "Design and technology. We plan, design and build things that the students are interested like a one bedroom home, a line of designer clothing, a landscape project or a new vehicle. Then the students present them to each other and even to other schools or universities." My reply, "This week, we're learning the letter F!"

Here's a short and empowering (and entertaining) video they presented:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQZwZVBDAHI

I was there first

2009-11-02T17:19:00.001-08:00

I guess I'm not being very anonymous by showing this article, but it annoys me to the point of writing about it. Not so much that another baby has the same name as my daughter, or that it is very unique (less so now), but oh-my-goodness not named after David Bowie, no way. Both parts of her name after musical inspirations? Oh, no. Dad happens to be a DJ but, no. It simply could not be. So to those who don't know, my daughter IS named after David Bowie, and my son IS named after Jimi Hendrix.....and possibly the stationary company.

From Wiggles to Wu Shu

2009-10-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

It's been crazy between work, the kids, and trying to have a life (and a clean house). So in the last 3 days, I've been at the cottage, at the Wiggles concert, and at the World Wu Shu competitions.
I think I'm slowly becoming a crazy Mommy-fan as I felt quite excited to see the four fellas live in concert. Oh, and btw: Anthony Wiggle...hotness confirmed. I love a man who is confident and who obviously enjoys making a fool of himself on stage. Apparently Anthony (and other characters) have been taking yoga and gymnastics. This performance was very Cirque Du Soleil - esque. My hot blue Wiggle did the splits, hand stands, rolls and floor routines in addition to singing "Fruit Salad." What really made me smile was when he shrank into his blueberry costume and rolled away singing "Age of Aquarius" just for fun.

So from Wiggles to Wu Shu...I've just returned from the competitions. Amazing. We managed to catch the Women's sword routines, the Men's routines, and some matches. And now, I'm spent.

Restaurant Review and Hot Men: Susur Lee

2009-10-05T19:32:00.001-07:00

Damn you, Susur Lee! You have ruined so many of my meals out because nothing compares to you.
Recently, I went with good friends to "Farmers Night" at Cowbell. It featured local lamb and wine from a local producer. Very promising especially since the lamb fed on the grapes. Really fascinating discussions on production and pairing. Unfortunately, my expectations for fine food has been warped by the culinary skills of Susur Lee. Sadly, this God of Cookery has gone to New York to find new challenges and has left me pining for someone to impress me the same way. It certainly doesn't hurt that the man is a stoic beauty. Long black hair and a chiseled face that often wears a look of stern contemplation. The way he treats his food as an art and the way he respects the kitchen makes other "leading" Toronto chefs (i.e. Mark McEwan) look like line cooks.

There is promise though still far from the ability of Susur. A dinner at the Drake Hotel produced an unbelievably delicious "Sexy Beef Brisket." Looking like steak but cuts like butter, this super tender beef was so tasty I will definitely go back for more. Hubby's halibut was less stellar but still good.

Hubby-isms: Third Installment

2009-10-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

We've had a dry spell either because his English has improved or he's wise to this blog. So here's a selection from today, some oldies from years back, and a few from guest contributors.

Discussion over dinner about some idea he had.

Hubby:...and so I was thinking and suddenly a light bulb started ringing in my head.

Science and Language...not my hubby's strong points

Hubby: You can't microwave water!

Me: Why not?

Hubby: Because of the neurons in the water!

Me: Neurons?

Hubby: I mean electrodes.

The sister on her wedding dress.

Sis: So what do you think?

Me: It's beautiful. Is it too long?

Sis: Yeah, I may have to edit it.

My daughter on a walk and she suddenly hugs a steel post.

Ohhhh!!!! My favourite tree!!!

Taking care of Business

2009-09-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm back to work after a long hiatus with two kids. Though I wanted to teach kindergarten when I returned, getting what you want doesn't always work out. If a blacklight were held up to me at the end of the day, I would look like a CSI crime scene. These are some of the personalities I've been working with:

The New Arrival: Not one word of English or any language you understand. You can't pronounce their name so they don't respond. It's pointless trying to tell them they can't eat paste.

The Neglected: Parents don't read anything you send home. They hang up on you. They send a babysitter or neighbour to pick them up. They don't send proper shoes or a snack unless two stalks of green onions still covered in dirt count (I'm serious).

The Crier: Can last 5 minutes to as much as 2 weeks. Can cry for a full 2.5 hours non-stop. Will cry during any transition. Will cry when others cry. Will start crying again when they realize they are having fun.

The Screamer: Similar to the Crier except for the incredible octaves they can achieve.

The Runner: Takes every opportunity to run for the door. Any door. Runners must be stopped by tackling and using moves similar to those found in UFC.

The Siamese Twins: Won't do anything without each other and will become Criers if told otherwise.

The O.D. Kid: Will give you a hell of a time if you ask them to do ANYTHING. Will refuse to do anything you request even if its something they want to do.

The Passive Aggressive Kid: Similar to the O.D. Kid, but instead of yelling, NO! they will give you cut eyes, the evil eye, or a blank stare that can last all class.

Little Miss Bossy: Exactly that. Knows everything. Does nothing.

The Baby: Was born in the end of December so qualifies to enter Kindergarten even though they are barely 3 years old.

The Giant: Often mistaken for a 3rd Grader, the Giant was born in January and is the Baby's direct opposite (and often, best friend).

The As-Yet-Undiagnosed: You know there's something wrong. You know that Mom knows something's wrong. A mountain of paper work will need to be done upon the entry of this kid.

The Diagnosed: This fully behavioural darling comes with paperwork already done. Drawbacks are the parents want them integrated into your class of New Arrivals, Neglected, Criers, Screamers, Runners, Twins, OD, Passive-Aggressive, Bossy, Baby, and Giant kids.

Hot Men: Men with Wings

2009-08-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Angels are the new Vampires. Gorgeous and duty bound, angels are getting a lot of attention as sexy and strong. Rarely are they portrayed as angelic or pious in popular media. More often they are warrior-like and yet carry a great deal of emotional burden. This juxtaposition of strength and fragility is certainly appealing to many. Check out Michael and Gabriel in the new trailer for Legion.

Restaurant Review: Panorama

2009-08-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

Our anniversary happened right after my antibiotics were finished, and on the same day as the hubby's first day back to work from his 5 month, pat leave. Both excellent reasons to start drinking with abandon. C5 was unfortunately closed on Monday so we decided to walk about and "discover" a place to go. After a tempting presentation at Bay Bloor Radio, we ventured up to the 51st floor of the Manulife Building to Panorama. This resto-lounge had a great view and even had outdoor patios. Though full of tourists, it was still a great place with more drinks on the menu than food. However, the food was good. I recommend the $26 seafood appetizer platter full of fat shrimp, smoked salmon and mussels. Crab cakes were dissappointing (too small) but the mediterranean pizza was delicious. At first, the chicken on it came very dry and against my personal restaurant beliefs, my hubby sent it back and asked for another one. It came back prompt, clean, and improved. Our server was great. I think this would be a great place to go with friends for drinks. Not cheap, but the view is worth it.

Too bad I am so ill again. I'm sure drinking on a cold patio didn't help.

1st Birthday

2009-08-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

Well, my little guy has turned one! The last couple of months have been fascinating as he's showing such rapid development. He's just beginning to stand for a few seconds at a time. He points and can name a few things, his favourite being "daung-daung (light)!" In total, he's got about 10 - 12 words. I'm happy to say that he's finally got "ma-ma" but not before "wo-wo" (dog), "yum" (drink), "nai-nai" (milk) and "che-che" (big sister). Also, the little dude can put up a good fight. He and his 2.5 year old sister were duking it out over a sippy cup while sitting in the basket of those Flintstones-styled bikes at Centre Island. UFC!

His birthday celebration was shared by auntie who has turned the big 3-0. Happy Birthday, Yee-Yee!

Hubby-isms (2nd installment)

2009-08-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe I got 3 gems in one day. Oh, plus the extra from the sisters:

In regards to food:

Mmm. This is as tender as a banshee.

I don't even remember what he was referring to:

It's as heavy as the mother of all mongoose.

In a discussion about child safety:

The kids aren't made of glasses.

And over dinner I was talking about my purchase from Secrets from my Sister:

Me: I love this bra!

Him: You love this bar?

Me: .....????.......Are you auditorily dyslexic?

Restaurant Review: Pure Spirits Oyster House

2009-08-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

Top: Pure Spirits back in the day when they were making pure spirits.

Bottom: This is the after picture. HGTV sent a design crew in to fix the joint up. :)

The hubby and I went to this Distillery District restaurant for his post-birthday celebration. Pure Spirits looks small in comparison to the Boiler House restaurant next door but it is still a snazzy setting. We sat in the patio and had fresh baked bread which was a god-send as I was starving. Following that, we had crab cake as an appetizer. It was tasty but I was disappointed by the size of the lone crab puck.

It went downhill from there as my muscovy duck breast was chewy and a little overdone. The hubby's Ahi Tuna was tasteless and paired with equally bland fingerling potatoes. Not terrible. Certainly not wonderful. In retrospect I should have told the owner, an elderly gentleman, who drifted to each table to ask how people were enjoying themselves.

I normally make it a rule of thumb not to complain about food unless it is blatantly horrible or dangerous (hubby had shards of glass in the bottom of his drink at Milestones). I've worked in a few kitchens in the past and I know that complaints can bring about some terrible deeds by disgruntled cooks or waitstaff. I find it best to simply avoid ordering the same dish in the future or eating elsewhere. If you choose to complain about the food DO NOT send the dish back and have it "fixed." It will get fixed alright. If it is really that horrible, ask for an entirely different dish. However, I find it is best to let the management or waiter know after your main course is done. Sometimes they will compensate with a discount on your bill or a complimentary dessert. Being courteous and discreet will work in your favour as this will be appreciated by management.

Hubby-isms (1st installment)

2009-07-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

When it comes to home repairs, financial operations, and general tinkering, my husband is quite the pro. But when it comes to language, the results can be hilarious. Here are a few examples:

While cleaning up the garage:

"Why did you write 'PLUM' on that box?"
"It's short form."
"For what?"
"Plumbing."

General comments:

"That sticks out like a sore eye-thumb."

And my favourite...

"It worked like a glove."

Rock-A-Bye Baby

2009-07-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

After a recent trip to the library, I found a couple of really interesting CD's that piqued my interest. Lullabies played using twinkly sounding glockenspiel, vibraphone, mellontron and other instruments, playing popular tunes by Metallica and Green Day.

Having two kids named after rock stars, I thought this would just be PERFECT for them until I actually listened to "Enter Sandman" on what sounded like an xylophone. Creeeeeeepy.

"Basketcase" on the other hand, was cutesy but it all gets sickening after a few minutes. There's even Nine Inch Nails. Wow.

Lesson learned: If you want to rock. Rock hard.

New Motherhood Discoveries!

2009-07-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

I found something that is ACTUALLY more disgusting than vomit, pee, poo, snot and saliva.

It's MOULDY vomit, pee, poo, snot and saliva!

Thank you John Sr. for taking our garbage to the dump.

Birthday gifts

2009-07-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Last Father's Day, I wanted to get something for the hubby that he would want AND enjoy. After much thought, I ran out at the first opportunity and got him a tera-byte external hard drive AND UFC: Undisputed for the PS3. I figured if he liked both, great. If he didn't like one as much, I'll return the other. As it turned out, he said they were both nice but they were too expensive and he would actually prefer this ladder he saw in an ad. So, I returned both gifts and went with him to buy the ladder only to find the ladder didn't meet his expectations.

So no gift and here is his birthday looming before me and I am back to square one. Here are my new thoughts:
A GPS: He mentioned it passingly and we get lost often.
A cutting tool kit: On sale for half the price and he mentioned it.
The elusive ladder: I could try.
Planter and plant: He'd like one for the front of the house though it's a risk.
Shiny new house numbers: He mentioned it long ago. I know he doesn't like our current ones.

Any ideas are welcome. Wish me luck!

Toddler antics

2009-07-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Here's an update on some of my two year old's antics:

* After walking one block to the playground, she says: "Too far. I lazy!"

* She gives her brother a playful pat on the bum then scrunches up her nose: "Ewww. Stanky! Pee pee diaper!"

* I walk by and notice she is delicately slicing away at a stuffed animal with a butter knife and placing imaginary bits into a teacup: "What are you doing?" I ask. "Shhhh. Piggy is sick." And she continues the operation. When done, she picks him up, tucks it into bed. "There. Better."

Restaurant Review: Collingwood's 3 Guys and a Stove vs. The Stuffed Peasant

2009-07-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

The hubby and I have just returned from a 3 day vacation from the kids. We decided to go to Collingwood as it has a few enjoyable activities (Treetop excursion-zip lines- Scenic Caves and the awesome Scandinave Spa). Far too cold for Wasaga Beach unfortunately, and visiting Midland, Ontario was a huge dissappointment. Food-wise, we found two places worthy of discussion:

Our first proper dinner was at Three Guys and a Stove in the Village at Blue Mountain (a make-believe village that I liken to Disneyland for skiiers). The tag line of the restaurant is: "For People with Great Taste," reassuring the diner that they have made a sage decision to eat there. Friendly staff and a casual interior bedecked by framed photos of food taken from the cookbook of Jeff Suddaby. I thought this was kinda weird and tacky, almost like a take-out counter menu, it only lacked the prices. The menu looked promising. We started with a Risotto cake atop a seasoned, fried tomato. It was drizzled with what I can only describe as hot sauce and then adorned with a pickled onion chutney. We agreed that the intention and creativity was there but it lacked proper balance and execution. Too sour, too hot, too fried. If the chutney was replaced with fresh green grapes and the hot sauce with say, a balsamic vinegar drizzle, this dish would have greater harmony. Lamb meatballs on couscous and mushroom risotto with lamb had similar issues of discord. Again, great ideas...poor execution.

The next night, we went into the downtown strip of Collingwood to The Stuffed Peasant. A small but pleasant space, we chose this location because it was one of the few places that was open at 9:30 p.m. We started with grilled calamari on a bed of sauteed cabbage. It was so simple but so perfectly cooked. The calamari was fresh and whole and cooked til just tender and drizzled with oil, lemon, salt and pepper. Ballontine chicken with rapini and lentils and my dish, liver with beets and mashed potatoes were also perfectly cooked and properly seasoned. And thought we were full to bursting, we ended with Frangelico creme brulee because we wanted to know if this chef's skill extended to his desserts. It did.

It is so true what they say. Eat where the locals eat.

Hot Men: Anthony Wiggle

2009-07-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

A sure sign I'm watching too many children's programs...Anthony Field, aka Anthony Wiggle of "The Wiggles" is very handsome. I must be very specific here, as he looked awful in the earlier years of the Wiggles (see left pic), but is now sophisticated and refined looking with his light blue eyes and graying temples. Of all the Wiggles, he seems always to be slightly (deliberately?) out of step and genuinely enthusiastic in their videos. Something I find very endearing.

Alarmingly, I am not the only one. I just came across an article, Who's the Hottest Wiggle? Good god. It's a mommy thing.

First Words

2009-07-03T19:49:00.001-07:00

This evening while I was feeding my 10 month old son some mango, I heard his first word. Not "mama" or "dada" or "baba" as the hubby and I have been expecting and betting on. His first words were, "Mum-mum" which basically means "Food!" in a Cantonese baby-talk. Yes, he's not a mama's boy or daddy's boy. I gave birth to a foodie like me.

Restaurant Review: DT Bistro

2009-06-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

The hubby and I had another date night a few weeks ago and we decided to try DT Bistro on Harbord Street. What a treat. It was modern and sophisticated yet still maintained a laid back atmosphere. We sat in a quaint area too narrow for strollers or high chairs. The prix fixe is a great deal at $25 for three courses including coffee or tea but if you order a la carte, you will still find good value. Our crab cake salad starter was a beautiful stacked affair, and though tasty, the crab itself left something to be desired. We also had a mushroom tart which was a surprisingly delicious array of saucy, sauteed mushrooms in a pastry shell topped off with greens. Our mains were heavy for the season, lamb shank and braised beef, but perfect for those with larger appetites. Rich and toothsome, both meats were tender and full of flavour from the reduced vegetables which disappeared as a result of the braising. The real treat however, are the desserts. Upon arrival, you are greeted with the sight of a refrigerated case full of their signature desserts. Like a jewelery display, each dessert was a delicate sight to behold. We chose a passion fruit parfait held in an edible white chocolate sphere. Tart and sweet.

I recommend this place for date nights, coffee dates, or just desserts.

The Day the Music Died...

2009-06-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

I turned on the radio and for once, I didn't turn it to my usual retro or old rock stations. The first song I listened to had this refrain:

Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
I've been feenin'
Wake up in the late night...dreamin' about your lovin'
Girl you know I-I-I
Girl you know I-I-I
Don't need candles or cake
just need your body to make good

Birthday sex
Birthday sex

It's the best day of the year, girl

Birthday sex
Birthday sex

It feels like, feels like... lemme hit that...g-spot g-spot

I allowed the song to finish as I listened on in horror. The next song's refrain was:

Don’t trust a hoe
Never trust a hoe
Won’t trust a hoe, won’t trust me!

Shush girl
Shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips

At which point, I put in my CD of "Sunset Boulevard" and enjoyed some real music.

Hot Men: Zeltron Males

2009-06-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

If you like your humanoids flexible, svelte, enthusiastic, and in multiple shades of red, then the most beautiful people in the galaxy are on Zeltros. Who needs Twi'leks?"

―Ruudi Buundaz^[src]

They forgot to mention, totally GAY looking.

In Star Wars issue 95, they not only helped Leia fight, but also did her hair, tailored her dress, and massaged her before her diplomatic banquet. I want one.

Restaurant Review: Olivia @53

2009-06-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

Recently, the hubby and I had a date night consisting of movie and dinner. My only criteria nowadays for a dinner spot without the kids is a place that is preferably narrow, with stairs, and does not have monkeys, clowns, jungles, change tables, or chicken fingers. We found this perfectly adult spot on Clinton just a couple steps north of the College street chaos. It was wonderful. A beautiful, old victorian styled home that was converted into a fine dining establishment. Many of the old original fixtures are intact and they even have a private dining room in the basement. They also have a beautiful back patio which is accessible only by walking right through the kitchen!

The items on the menu are not incredibly exciting. However, what we did order was very well executed:

Squid ink infused linguine with sauteed tiger shrimps, wild leeks and asparagus in a Chardonnay sauce

Pan roasted arctic char served on cream leeks with sauteed seasonal vegetables, saffron basmati and wild rice.

The dessert we ordered was disappointing: flour-less chocolate cake with chili. It was hard when it should be dense. Also, the chili was unevenly distributed in the cake, fluctuating from no spice in one bite, to full of gritty seeds in another.

All in all, still a good place to go again for a romantic evening out without the kids.

Weaning Time...

2009-06-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

My 9 month old son has been teething in agony for the last week. He's got his bottom two, then his upper canines (looked like a vampire!) and now his front-top teeth are coming in. This time around however, seems so much more difficult. He's been drooling, feverish, cranky, and now he has rosacea. During this ordeal, I've had barely any sleep and worst yet, trying to breast feed him is now a practice in fear and anxiety...for me. He will be sucking away contently and out of the blue, SNAP! Down come all the teeth! Imagine putting the most sensitive part of your body into, let's say, a stapler. Or perhaps under a rocking chair. Or a car door. The problem is, most of the time it's just fine. When it does happen, he not only bites but he hangs on and pulls his head back.

Time to start the bottle.

My little girl is growing up too fast

2009-05-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

My daughter and I were getting dressed, ready to go out. As I finished dressing, the final thing I did was put my breast pads into my bra (I'm lactating, not trying to look bigger, btw). Wide eyed, she yells, "I want boobies! I want boobies!" and proceeds to open the cabinet, take 2 breast pads and one panty-liner and runs away. "You don't need those!" I yell after her to which she continues yelling, "I want boobies!!" She stuffs the pads into her shirt and peels the panty-liner and sticks it across her leg. "Ouchy" she says, pointing to the panty-liner. "You don't know the half of it, honey."

Nightmares come true

2009-05-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

I've returned from a trip to Cuba with my parents and both my kids...a first in many respects. I went into this trip anticipating some stress and hard work so having a number of my thematic nightmares come true really shouldn't be a surprise.

Wrong footwear: In some dreams, I go somewhere important with the wrong shoes or no shoes at all. This is in the same vein as giving a speech wearing no clothes (which did not happen). We were so busy packing trip bags and the kids for our early morning excursion into Holguin that I neglected to change my shoes. So I'm in the third largest city in Cuba wearing my slippers.

Being late: In my dreams, I am late for class, test, lecture, or work. I really wanted my daughter to get to the Mini-Disco on time because she would love it and was a shoo-in to win title of Dancing Queen. An agonizing combination of slow eating, slow walking, and lack of efficiency from the group caused us to miss the whole thing.

Not touching the ocean: Ever since I began traveling to sunny destinations, I've had dreams where I'm on holiday and I realize that I must return home without having had the chance to even touch the water. In reality I TOUCHED the water on the second day briefly. And once again for an hour to snorkle once I arranged my parents to babysit. This was excruciating.

Not eating: A less common dream theme but it came true. Between two babies and lots of washroom trips, I ate too little, too quickly at times. The worst was when we were already late for breakfast and by the time I fed and diapered the kids, the buffet was closed.

Spiders: Saw two big ones in the room. The hubby took care of them fortunately.

Inequality: No one's fault but my own and I have a tendency to be a martyr. My parents helped a lot, don't get me wrong. Especially my mother. My hubby helped too. I just felt that my mom and I did a whole lot more in respects to child care vs. play and relaxing. Would also have liked to have been acknowledged on Mother's Day. Too bad.

Still...it was a good trip as everyone really enjoyed themselves especially my parents. It was a lovely resort and the food was good. At least my funhouse nightmares didn't come true!

Inspired Cooking

2009-05-14T20:05:00.001-07:00

Having returned from a week in Cuba (more on that later), I was actually inspired to try a few new things in the kitchen. First of all, if you read any travel reviews, most people warn not to expect good food in Cuba. I thought the food was mostly very good! In the last two days, I've made stuffed baked peppers, sausage rolls, and seared duck breast.

I've made duck breast before but I learned how to properly flambe while watching the cooks make fried bananas in orange liquer and rum. After searing the breasts, I added red wine, marmalade, and Grand Marnier, tipped the pan towards the open flame then...

...it will take a few weeks to grow my eyebrows back.

Hot Men: Jude Law (A.I.)

2009-04-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Simply put, Jude Law as the Love-Bot in A.I. was hot. His plastic perfection could be likened to a warm blooded mannequin with personality. Programmed for pleasure!

Mmm...Beefcake

2009-04-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

Above: Beefy Birthday Cake Surprise (Meatloaf, mashed potato icing and vegetables)
Below: Rib-Cage Corral (Bbq ribs, mashed potato foundation, broccoli and cow garnish).

I have some very special friends, each with their own talents, interests, and abilities. Sophia and Ray have a love for the unexpected, the unusual, and the bovine. I decided to create a special birthday dinner for Sophia and the result is seen above: "Beefy Birthday Cake Surprise" and the "Rib-Cage Corral."

Creating a "Chook-Sing"

2009-04-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

Bowie antics update:

Last night at the ROM, Bowie runs to each of the Chinese deities in the Ancient China gallery going: "Hola Amigo!"

At the grandparents, Bowie stares at the little ants running around the floor and says, "Hoe-do bee."

When asked asked what colour the crayon was, she replies: "Blue-sik".

What a great little "chook-sing" we are raising.

Hot Men: Orlando Bloom as Legolas

2009-04-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

Though Orlando Bloom has a huge fan following, I am not one of them. I actually prefer his portrayal of the character Legolas because, to me, Orlando never seems to exude the same sexiness in his other roles. There are many girls and women I know whose hearts flutter at the image of this blond, elven warrior. What is it about him? A powerful and graceful presence. The hair, the ears, the keen senses, and skill with a bow. Light enough to walk atop powder snow yet deadly enough to take down hordes of enemies atop an olephant. Who wouldn't want him?

There are those who prefer the "manlier" Aragorn with his rough chin and unkempt hair. Personally, I like a man who keeps himself clean.

Hmm...blond, elven warrior...blond, goblin king? I'm seeing a pattern here.

So, he thinks I can dance.

2009-04-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

My husband recently informed me that auditions for "So you think you can dance" will be taking place in Toronto. "Uh-huh...and?" And he thinks I should try out.

Ok. Some background is needed.

Yeah, I enjoy dancing. Yeah, I was part of a "Dance Club" in high school and did a major part in helping choreograph. Yeah, I was often the lead dancer. And...that's about it. No professional training. No splits. Rather lousy flexibility. If anyone actually saw those high school performances, you would basically see variations on jazz leaps, step-together-steps, box steps, and several made up movements using props. We've used fake snow, hula hoops, and ribbons. We've dressed up as dolls, elves, and I was even a young, female Santa Claus once. However, our "best" performance was to the soundtrack of Bram Stoker's "Dracula." Dressed in cheesecloth and leotards, we "vampires" walked in with candles then pranced about in our pale makeup.

I can just imagine the comments from the judges if I were to try that again.

Honey, how about I just dance for you? :)

Freakin' Four A.M.

2009-04-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

I hate 4am.

It's a weird cusp in the day when all is really, really still. And if anything is going on, it can only be bad. My son woke up wheezing and gasping desperately for air the other night right at 4 am. We all got dressed and drove our sorry, pajama clad asses to Sick Kid's Hospital.

Even at the hospital at 4:20am, it was eerily calm. Not a single patient in the emergency room (which even the hospital staff thought was remarkable). Too bad that even with NO OTHER PATIENTS in the emergency ward, it still took 2 and a half hours! Crazy.

It turned out to be croup which sounds more alarming than it really is. And now, here I am. Strangely stressed out over the past 2 weeks and incredibly sleep deprived. I haven't been able to relax enough to get to sleep even though I am wickedly tired.

4am. I wonder if I'll be awake again at that time tonight. Last call is 2am. Bar staff clean up and should leave by 3am. Even party goers have eaten their hot dogs and gone home or are passed out in their own vomit. Those with early jobs like cooks and bakers rarely start until 5am. And those in 24 hour jobs are quietly waiting out their shifts because no one would schedule a shift change at 4am. And so there it is. 4 am is the bitching hour. If you are out at 4 am, you should be arrested, consoled, or driven to the hospital.

Translating for a Toddler

2009-03-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

While walking towards our local grocery store, my daughter says:

"Mommy. Obama. Up."

Translation:

"Mommy, I see the Canadian flag on the roof of the grocery store."

Hot Men: David Bowie (1980’s – 2000, Labyrinth)

2009-03-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

My very favourite, number one hot man is none other than legendary rocker, David Bowie. Though an iconic character chameleon, he manages to exude an irresistible magnetism whether he’s in platforms and full make up or in a perfectly tailored suit. My favourite Bowie period however, is between the 80’s until around 2000. My first encounter with David Bowie was not through his uber-successful music career but through the Jim Henson movie “Labyrinth.” As a teenager, I was enraptured with the tall mystical character he played, Jareth the Goblin king. With long wild hair, flowing cape, tights, boots and make up, I was soon fantasizing that I was the heroine Sarah, and accepting his invitation to be loved and ruled by him forever! Soon afterward, I tried to find out everything I could about Bowie and became a fan. Time has passed too quickly and suddenly it's twenty years later and this movie is now considered a “cult classic.” And since the movie is twenty years older, so is he. Mind you, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed now. The jowls are dropping and the overindulgence of the 70’s and 80’s are showing, but he continues to make me catch my breath with his startling eyes, lean figure, and throaty voice. I’m so glad my husband is so understanding.

It's not over, the music of the night...

2009-03-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

There are times when a good thing should be left alone. Andrew Lloyd Weber apparently, cannot do that. He has decided to make a sequel to his incredibly successful The Phantom of the Opera, calling it “Love Never Dies”. Based on the novel by Frederick Forsyth, The Phantom of Manhattan has been described by reviewers as a complete disaster. In the preface, it has the audacity to question Gaston Leroux’s (the author of the original story) “version” of the story in regards to various character’s ages, motives, and intents. The Phantom of Manhattan has Erik (the Phantom) as 27 (Leroux has him at 50) and the murders Erik commits as accidents. For goodness sakes! It’s a friggin’ story made up in Leroux’s head!
This is what else is planned for the sequel:
From Access Hollywood: The follow-up to “Phantom,” which debuted in 1986 with Michael Crawford in the lead role, will take place a decade after the original, with the story set on Brooklyn’s Coney Island.
And the Phantom, who disappears at the end of the original musical, will reunite with lost love Christine.

…and what? Get married? Have kids? Stooooooopid!

Scenario:
Christine: Erik? Erik? Is that you?
Erik: Christine! It's been ages!
Christine: I almost didn't recognize you.
Erik: Oh, I had some surgery done. How's Raoul?
Christine: Oh, him. We broke up ages ago. (Flutters eyelashes flirtatiously)
Cue the orchestra, Phantom and Christine break into glorious song.

It’s obvious that they decided that they haven’t made enough money from the original musical and merchandise. Weber, you idiot. Leave well enough alone...that's all I ask of you!

Ode to food

2009-03-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

I think it is fitting to begin my first blog post on one of my greatest passions: food. A few friends consider me a gourmet, most others, including myself, a foodie. Whatever the term may be, I know that since I was little, the domestic domain was one of my favourite imaginary pastimes. Shelling maple seeds as though they were peas and then frying their fresh green seeds in the sun til they were brown. Using my plastic bowling set as chicken drumsticks and a big black coconut, roasting them over a pretend fire fashioned from an archaic exercise contraption that I imagined to be a spit. Everything around me a potential food toy. From my lego bricks (little pieces of stir fry), to ping pong balls (eggs), to the foliage in the garden (salad), the world was my all-u-can-eat buffet. Imagine my joy when I received a working miniature kitchen that had running water through its faucets and light up stove elements, my penquin shaped refrigerator, and my Fischer Price hot plate!
Now on the wrong side of 30, I own 2 toy kitchens and a beautiful assortment of miniature food items, thanks to Japanese collectable toy makers. My daughter has just turned 2 and has received a lovely kitchen playset with bubbling and sizzling sounds. And so, I have come full circle. I now sit and enjoy watching her make megoblock cake and teddy bear stir fry. Isn’t life grand?