Wonder Woman vs. Rainbow Boy

My son is shooting me with his plastic machine gun as I type away on my computer. I put my wrists up instinctively and wave them about:

Me: Hah! You can't hurt me with bullets! I've got Wonder Woman bracelets on!

My son: Water-melon, Water-melon! You come and fight with me!

Me: Water-melon? My name is Wonder Woman.

My son: I...I can't say the words.

Me: Won-der-Wo-man.

My son: Won-der-Melon.

Me: Close enough.

Ism's

My son is really into superheroes and his persona will change with his pajamas:

Superman pj's: I'm Superman, here to save the day!

Batman pj's: Grrrr. I'm Batman.

Candy striped pj's: I'm Rainbow Boy! To the rescue!

White undershirt: I'm White Man! Da-da-da-DAH!


The Hubby upon seeing me catch a falling dish:
"You have ninja reflections!"

My daughter on money:
"Don't worry. You can go to the bank and buy some money."

Wanted: Surrogate Husband

Wanted: Surrogate husband

Description: All the work, none of the perks. Man needed this Saturday for company and childminding at Whittamore's Farm. Pick up provided at 9:30 am and lunch as well. Must be able to watch 4 children while listening attentively to the conversation of 2 sleep deprived mommies. Possible trip to Vaughn Mills' Bass Pro store after wards. Stamina and cheery disposition mandatory. Will be paid in gratitude. Forward resume to this email address.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear madam,

I am writing in regard to your advertisement for a surrogate husband. I would like to express my interest in such a role and briefly highlight a few of the myriad wonderful qualities within my possession that make me ideally suited to fill this position.

Firstly, in the history of my life, I have yet to lose a child. I attribute this success to skill rather than my considerable lack of experience. You see, part of my talent derives from the fact that I can really "hold my liquor", as demonstrated by my unmatched performance in a recent drinking competition. Now, many mothers feel rightfully concerned that those watching their children will have one too many beers and begin tossing their children around the room like footballs. However, I can assure you that 1) I will neither become that drunk, despite my best attempts, and 2) I prefer hockey to football.

Secondly, I have considerable experience in pretending to be engaged in conversations that I am paying little to no attention to whatsoever, whether it be concerning one's opinions on local government, the types of flowers one might be planting, or something equally uninteresting. As such, you can feel content to speak to your heart's content, never in fear of speaking into a deaf ear; I will pay just enough attention to make polite conversation, and smile blissfully while my mind wanders to my next vacation and to what that pretty woman across the way is doing later.

And, finally, though certainly not the last of my many winning attributes, I relate very well to children, largely due to my enormous lack of maturity. I find that this helps me fit in with my surroundings. By the end of the outing, you will wonder if there are five, rather than four children, running and screaming and howling in your ears, or asking you to show them to the bathroom, not least because I will assuredly be deep "into my cups" within about 2 hours of us setting out.

In summary, I feel that I am the ideal surrogate husband. And, let's be honest, who else would take the job? I notice that you state that you pay in "gratitude". What could be more gracious than cash? I agree, and hopefully you do too. Or I will steal your purse.

I look forward to working with you.

Your sincerely,
M. Pseudo-name
(The "P" is silent and the "e" is pronounced "eh")

Back from Boston: Review of PSY

I'm back from a trip to Boston with my mom and sister. It was a jam-packed week which included the usual historical sights but also a show by a Montreal based acrobatic group. Though I haven't seen any Cirque du Soliel shows, I imagine it might be in the same spirit. What's really interesting is that each character has a psychological issue such as hearing voices, addiction, or anger and each person expresses their ailment through acrobatics. Hopefully, this link to a video will work:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOkWUjHPRqg

We also made a short trip to Salem, home of the witch trials of the 1600's. It was quaint and sometimes tacky, and apparently, super-haunted! It is now home to a lively Wiccan community and interesting witch supply stores!Certainly worth the ferry trip over from Boston.

Finally, we ended it with the last Harry Potter movie. A fitting end to a Salem trip.

Poetry by Guest Blogger

A little context...
My friend had a month-long stint teaching a university course in BC. The location was surrounded by a beautiful, lush forest which also brought with it the possible dangers of things such as cougar attacks. Going to his class each day required him to walk a healthy distance so he was told, "If you ever encounter a cougar, wave a stick and make lots of noise!" These are his thoughts.

Ode to Cougar Defense Strategies


You stare at me from your abode.
I see you there. I OWN this road.
You think I’ll turn and run from you?
As if! I wish. My legs are goo.
Now cougar, what are you gonn’ do?

You have your teeth; you have your claws.
You have your large and heavy paws.
Cougar, cougar on my path,
You think I’m scared to face your wrath?
I have a stick, don’t make me laugh.

You think you’re big? You think you’re tough?
Try teaching kids. Whose life is rough?
Now get away. I’ll wave my stick.
“Hey look! I’m big!” Ain’t that a trick!
Note: ‘crazy’ meat will make you sick.

That’s quite a roar. I know. It’s true.
I’ll yell right back, “Don’t EAT me, YOOOOU!”
You think you’ll scare me with that hiss?
I’ll calmly stop to take a piss.
Now cougar, can you mess with this?

Cougar, cougar on my walk:
You’ll win for sure to hear them talk.
But cougar, cougar, on my path,
I’ll act just like a psychopath.
“I have a stick, don’t make me laugh.”

Good grief!

I haven't blogged since 2010??? Well, quickie update...I got out of hell mouth and hopefully I've landed myself in a better place (or at the very least, a level of hell closer to the surface). That place really sucked me dry. Of time, of energy, of any kind of passion or enthusiasm.





At the very end, I decided "the heck with everything" and I did a last minute, surprise, solo performance as Lady Gaga in front of the whole school. Take that!





I'm leaving and I'm taking all the fun with me! And just to spit in their eye, I declared the next day "Dress Up Day" in my classroom and spent the rest of the day as Superwoman...even on my lunchtime errands.







So there. Stuff happened in between which I hope to slowly catch up on, but that's what happened by June. Wish me luck as I start a new adventure!!!!