My friend had a month-long stint teaching a university course in BC. The location was surrounded by a beautiful, lush forest which also brought with it the possible dangers of things such as cougar attacks. Going to his class each day required him to walk a healthy distance so he was told, "If you ever encounter a cougar, wave a stick and make lots of noise!" These are his thoughts.
Ode to Cougar Defense Strategies
You stare at me from your abode.
I see you there. I OWN this road.
You think I’ll turn and run from you?
As if! I wish. My legs are goo.
Now cougar, what are you gonn’ do?
You have your teeth; you have your claws.
You have your large and heavy paws.
Cougar, cougar on my path,
You think I’m scared to face your wrath?
I have a stick, don’t make me laugh.
You think you’re big? You think you’re tough?
Try teaching kids. Whose life is rough?
Now get away. I’ll wave my stick.
“Hey look! I’m big!” Ain’t that a trick!
Note: ‘crazy’ meat will make you sick.
That’s quite a roar. I know. It’s true.
I’ll yell right back, “Don’t EAT me, YOOOOU!”
You think you’ll scare me with that hiss?
I’ll calmly stop to take a piss.
Now cougar, can you mess with this?
Cougar, cougar on my walk:
You’ll win for sure to hear them talk.
But cougar, cougar, on my path,
I’ll act just like a psychopath.
“I have a stick, don’t make me laugh.”
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