Me Chinese

Just before the holidays, I was faced with some rather amusing assumptions that were part of holiday well wishes and good intentions. I had a good laugh at all of them.

Parent: Will you be flying back to your home this holiday?
Me: No. I'm going to drive down Keele for 15 mins.

Teaching partner: I got you a T and T Supermarket gift certificate! I hope you like it!
Me: Thank you. I usually shop at Sobeys but I'll gladly make the trip.

(Context: Secret Santa must buy a toy to be donated to Sick Kids. The toy should represent something about the recipient, such as their interests or hobbies.)

Secret Santa: (passes me a blue haired rag doll with button eyes).
I got this for you because it looks Chinese. Like you.
Me: (puzzled look) Blue hair?
Secret Santa: She has black eyes. And she's funky. Like an Asian.
Me: I have brown eyes. But thank you for thinking I'm funky.

Seven of Eleven

I recently completed my jury duty and it was quite an experience. I now have a better understanding of the justice system and how it works. Ten other strangers and I were locked into a room for deliberations after two weeks of evidence, witnesses and testimonies. Up until that moment, we only knew each other by our juror numbers despite having spent two weeks together. How fascinating that eleven strangers from different walks of life would be put together to determine the fate of the accused. It was a good mix of people. We each represented different facets of society and therefore different perspectives on the case. Our different experiences, knowledge, and priorities also allowed for greater depth in the exploration of the issues. Fortunately, we all came to the same verdict, though we did so through different avenues. We can leave this courthouse knowing that we tried to be as fair as possible.

Hot Men: Tom Hiddleston

How can any girl resist? 

I'm always behind the latest trend. Apparently, being infatuated with Loki (Tom Hiddleston) of The Avengers is pretty 4 months ago but I've only seen this photo recently. I agree with Vicki Essex's Blog: The Avengers in Order of Bangability, especially with the gorgeously muscled Thor and Captain America, but I have to say that Tom Hiddleston is very handsome, has a winning smile, and the story around this photo is just so endearing. Normally, my Hot Men are fictional characters (and not the actual actor) but this sweet guy is one of my few exceptions.

Love that cleft in his hip.

And how can I resist putting up some Avenger beefcake?

Enjoy!

He feels taller, and sexier! 

Newest member of the TDSB!!!!

Guess which of my "Hot Men" will be working alongside my brothers and sisters in solidarity?

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/1248953--susur-lee-recruited-to-spice-up-toronto-s-school-cafeterias

Teacher Rally

My five year old daughter's disturbing understanding of government. 

Me: You're going to grandma's today because mommy has to go to a rally.

B: What's a rally?

Me: Mmm...all the teachers get together and wave signs in the air because we don't agree with the government.

B: Are they going to shoot you?

Chicago!

For the hubby's 40th birthday, we went to Chicago for a couple of nights. What a great city! It has a well developed waterfront, wonderful architecture, great night life, and it is super family friendly. People were very nice plus the food was awesome and reasonable. 

Heaven on Seven had a collection of hot sauces on the wall plus more on the table for guests.
Highlights were a tasty orzo-jambalaya and their Long Island iced tea that had a 1 order limit (hubby was smashed on half a glass).

Shaw's Crab House was amazing! Oyster shooters and lump crab cakes were so fresh. 

La Portillo's is a casual joint with a crazy hot dog garnished with slices of BEEF!

If ever in Chicago, stay at the ACME hotel. We loved the way it was decorated with a funky, modern edge plus their complimentary breakfast was delicious: stuffed croissants, hot waffles, quiche, and selections of breads, juices, fruit and cereals. 

We got an upgraded suite with a living room!

When the lights in the bathroom were off, the lips on the mirror would glow. Cool. 

We visited Navy Pier and the Shedd Aquarium (both of which we enjoyed and highly recommend). We left Chicago using High Standards Limo Services (www.MyHSLimo.com) to get to the airport. (A detail more for my future reference than anything.)  I hope to visit again with the kids or my mom and hit the museum, planetarium, zoo, children's museum, art gallery, and gardens on a future trip. Fun, fun, fun!

Ninja New York

Times Square: Toys R Us was amazing!

I recently returned from a trip to New York with my sisters and mother; hopefully the start of a tradition in order to get my mom out and about to see the world beyond her 5 block radius. We did some of the usual things: The Met, The Museum of Natural History, Central Park, Times Square, and blew through the rest of New York on double decker tour bus. Negative impressions were that it was really busy and crowded and smelled of urine everywhere. Most things were pretty expensive. The good: taxis were abundant and relatively cheap, food was really good, shopping was great, and yes, it was a busy and exciting place (but a little overwhelming). 

One highlight was Planet Donut, where for $4, I got a stupid big, out of this world, coconut yeast donut. It was square, filled with coconut cream, yet had a hole. Not too sweet and so light and fluffy. 

Another is Chelsea Market, full of good things to eat. I particularly enjoyed throwing convention to the wind by having Nutella crepes and raw oysters for breakfast. 

Something non-edible that I enjoyed was Century 21. Kinda like a Winner's on steroids. The deals were great but I had no patience for the crazy line ups for the change rooms. Like I said, too crowded.  

Finally, my favourite moment had to be Ninja New York. A Japanese-American theme restaurant with a subtle entrance that leads to an underground "ninja village."Yes, ninjas would pop out at you and "HI-YAH!" you every 3 seconds. Also amusing was that our ninja servers were white, Columbian, East Indian, and Russian. I expected our "ninja magician" entertainer would do smoke bomb disappearing tricks but instead, he did card tricks and other slight-of-hand tricks. He was adorable. Probably paying for college. 

The food was an odd mix of items (cesar salad, sushi, steak, chocolate mousse, etc.) but the portions were enough to keep the Great White Ninja, Chris Farley,  pleased. Some signature dishes came with a "ninja presentation" which usually meant they were going to set something on fire or use their weapons to serve, or both. All in all, we had a great time in New York and even my mom had a couple of laughs. 

Hot Men: Ser Jorah Mormont

I've finished watching Game of Thrones, Season Two. I couldn't quite put my finger on it...whenever I saw Jorah, I got little tingles. Not the type I usually find attractive because I don't usually like scruffy fellas. But, HELLO! I realized he was my new Hot Man! 

Steely blue eyes, chiseled features, and a strong, handsome build. This banished knight lovingly protects the "Mother of Dragons." Will they get together? I hope so! 

Noooooo!!!! Diiiiirty!

Kids are gross and mine are no different from the average. Here are a few moments that have made me say:

Noooooo!!!! Diiiiirty!

7. Drinking bath water, pool water, dog water.

6. Eating grass, dropped food, dog food.

5. Lying down on sidewalks, public washroom floors, the grass/ground around trees, poles, and fire hydrants.

4. Licking window screens, window panes, door knobs, subway poles...

3. Kid messily blowing their nose then absentmindedly using it to wipe their mouth.

2. My kids exploding their diaper then grabbing at the mess with both hands, then touching their heads.

1. My son  face plowing into an abandoned mattress on the side of the street then rolling in it.



You've probably heard of worse. Please feel free to share your shiny moments!

Candyland

My kids were goofing around, laughing in the living room. I asked them what they were playing. "We're in CANDYLAND mommy!" they exclaim. "Everything here is made of candy!"

"Best land ever!" I reply and I pretend to eat part of a chair. My 3 year old reaches up and smacks me in the face. "Mommy, when you eat anything in Candyland, you get punched in the face."

"What? That's the worst land ever!" I grab another piece of sofa and pretend to eat it and promptly get punched in the face.

"That's it! No more candy for me! I don't like it here!" I say indignantly.

"No, mommy. Eat more candy." pleads my son.

"No way." I reply.

So ninja-boy grabs up some sofa, leaps into the air and deftly grabs my face as he shoves imaginary candy-furniture into my pursed lips....and then punches me in the face.

At least they have a good imagination.

It's a Trap!

Recently, I've encountered a number disturbing, yet preventable situations involving men and women. Mostly, they are caused by the incorrect responses made by men and as a result...well, mayhem. Now, I don't envy you men. Women are complex creatures that are difficult to understand. Men have difficulty interpreting us or perhaps lack the common sense to respond to women in an appropriate manner. The following are the opinions of only one complex woman.

Scenario 1: 

The woman says: If you could change ONE thing about me, what would it be?
 (Sensing danger) Man: Uhh...nothing.
Woman: Be honest! I'll be honest with you, I wish you were less hairy.

 Wrong answer: I wish you had bigger boobs.
 Right answer: Nothing. You are perfect the way you are.

Scenario 2: 

The woman says: If you could have a three-some with me and another woman, would you?
(Sensing danger) Man: And you won't get mad?
Woman: Yes.

Wrong answer: Yes.
Right answer: I would never even dream of this. How could I ever want anyone else but you?

Scenario 3: 

Woman: Do I look fat?

Wrong answer: I like women with meat on their bones.
Right answer: No, you look beautiful.

Woman: What about my hips? I've got some serious muffin top going on here!

Wrong answer: I love having something to grab onto!
Right answer: Your hips are gorgeous.

Woman: You're just saying that. Don't lie.

Wrong answer: Well, you're not 20 anymore.
Right answer: You look like you're still 20.