Avoiding all the gloopy, Hallmark style poetic musings of motherhood, I want to give balance to my last post on motherhood by reflecting on my own personal experience of having two children. It wasn't love at first sight. In fact, when my first child was born, I thought I was dying. I was in active labour for 5 hours straight (pushing for 5 hours)after more than 24 hours of contractions. I was dehydrated, nauseous, pale, and my heart rate was crazy and I was getting feverish. The sight of my crying, wet daughter did not make me elated. All I wanted was someone to give me water and make me not die. That passed. I clearly remember a quiet moment with her by my hospital bed. Looking at her little body and thinking, "One day you'll grow up, maybe get married..." then I became a weeping idiot.
Everything changed. Who I am and what I love hasn't changed but my priorities and perspective have changed and I think that has made me a better person. I care more about the world because my children will be living in it. I am a better teacher because I have a new understanding and appreciation of a child's development and a parent's struggle. Suddenly, every child is my child and the pain and suffering of other children is felt keenly by me. Though I've always loved food, taste is no longer the primary feature. Nutrition, sustainability, and environmental impact have suddenly become just as important. Though my body has changed, I feel empowered. Prior to having children, I was shy and self conscious of my body. But after what my body has been through, I bear the stretch marks and C-section scars like badges of honour. I walk confidently through Body Blitz Spa (clothing optional) imperfect but happy. I want to be healthy but no longer want to fight with my body to attain a certain weight or image. I am comfortable with myself.
Though we struggle, I love my husband for the father he has become. He has teary moments when his love of our children threatens to burst his chest. He spoils them then chastises himself for doing so. He patiently teaches them to climb and swim, to greet others appropriately and to treat others well. Having children has evened his temper. He takes greater care in how he drives and how he conducts himself. Once reckless and carefree, he is sharply aware that he is needed. Though we have our differences, my husband and I hold fast to one rule, which is to keep a united front. We support each other and do our best.
We are not the only ones who have changed. My parents suddenly have a reason for taking better care of themselves. My father drinks far less and eats better. He spends his evenings gardening with them or filling a tub of water in the backyard so they can bathe under our pear tree. My mother cuddles them endlessly and takes great joy in playing with them or creating art inspired by Mr. Maker. My childrens' laughter fills their home and has made my parents very happy. Even my sisters have changed. Never having had young children around us, my kids were an eye-opener for all of us. The youngest sister has taken on various duties of care, entertainment, and guardianship. She takes them to daycare or programs and she patiently cuts paper shapes for them to make art with. She is the rock of discipline in their home. The middle sister no longer wants to eat children and has developed a tender, maternal side of herself. Also a consistent disciplinarian, she is firm yet caring and she (and her hubby) have helped me through my first year at home with a baby.
Finally, my kids. I can't express how much I love them. They are quirky and funny. Smart and silly. Yes, they are a pain and they fight and they can be demanding but then they reach up and say, "Mommy, I nuv ooo!" and everything else melts away. "All joy and no fun" is an apt title for the article that began this post but that JOY is worth it. I look forward to more joy to come.
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